So, I'm making scarves. Three scarves, actually. For Lady, Duchess, and Chic. The three senior girls in pit with me in marching band, which means I've spent more time with them than with Badger, who I have not properly talked to since June.

Anyway, I don't think they realize how much I've looked up to them and how much they helped me fit in when I thought I would just be an outsider. So I'm giving them scarves for Christmas.

(I'm going to get unreasonably sentimental here)

I'm giving them the time it took to make each scarf, although they'll never know how many times I will think of them or something they've done will influence me.
I'm giving back the help they've always given me, even if it was just a question.
I'm giving them the same confidence they gave me when I was insecure, so that they won't feel insecure going to college or on with their lives.

I just hope they like them.

Marching band is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I decided (randomly) in the spring to join after admiring bands for three years. It was work. It was hard work. It was six hours a day every day for two weeks in August, getting sunburned, and three hours every other day in November, wearing five layers. Something about band gives you a family; a family that understands you when you don't really understand yourself. The family that has been through everything with you and understands what other people don't. The family that has seen the anger, the tears, the frustration, and has given you back pride and courage.

You Know You're in Marching Band When...

1. You carry a couple extra layers in cold weather, just in case.

2. You can hide almost anything under a uniform.

3. You spend more time on a school bus than your car.

4. You have more chants than the cheerleaders.

5. "One more time" never means only one more time.

6. You come half an hour early to everything.

7. You spend more time at school than at home.

8. You try to learn other people's instruments.

9. The entire band knows your parents because they follow you around everywhere.

10. You see band people more than your friends.

11. If you have food, the band will take care of that for you.

12. There is no personal space. You are now a part of the band bubble.

Anyway, I can't really describe it. It's just there and I'm happy enough with that. I'm just sad about all the seniors leaving. Hence, the scarves.

Selfish.
Inconsiderate.
Self-absorbed.
Moody.
Pitiful.
Egoistic.
Conceited.

Scout is driving me CRAZY. He just got off the phone with Otter, who's working tonight.

Muttering to himself, I can't quite catch what he's saying and I thought he was talking to me, so I call out, "What?"

"Nothing! Maybe I wasn't talking to you? Is it against the law to talk to myself?" is his way of replying. It also means that he's in a bad mood because of something.

"Soooorry." So maybe I'm not the most sympathetic, but he didn't really have to lash out like that. "Something wrong?"

"Nothing, just Mom's a retard," he tells me moodily, slamming the fridge shut.

"Why?" First of all, I don't like when people refer to other people as retards or 'tards. Second of all, I like it even less when it's used to refer to my mother.

"Because she expects me to be a straight-A student, just like you!" he snaps. "I have to be as good as you."

Now we're getting somewhere. It is understandable that he feels pressured. "You don't have to be anything," I say.

"Uh, yeah, I do. Because of you." Aha, he is blaming me. "But I can't because I'm stupid."

"You're not stupid." I am no stranger to this turn of conversation. Whenever he is frustrated or angry, Scout starts a little pity party about how he's so stupid and everyone hates him. It got old and tired about five years ago.

"Mom and Dad think I am."

"Mom and Dad don't think you're stupid."

"They think I'm dumb," he mutters. "They hate me."

"They don't hate you," I reply automatically.

"Yuh-huh. Everyone hates me. Including you," he says nastily. I wish he would stop putting words into my mouth.

"When have I ever said, 'I hate you'?" I ask, sighing and rolling my eyes, getting frustrated.

"You just did."

"It was a question in which the statement was in quotation marks! Taken out of context," I protest, now angrier that he is trying to make it seem like I'm completely against him.

"Oh, shut up, I'm not smart like you," he retorts, then adds, "Oh, and don't complain about having so much homework if you don't even start until 6. You really should start earlier."

"Look, thanks, but I don't need the advice. I can take care of it," I snap, annoyed that my eighth grade brother who had about fifteen minutes of homework is giving me advice. Yes, I was playing stupid computer games when I got home, but it's a mindless way of de-stressing. Didn't you ever stop to think that maybe my day wasn't all that great? Ninety percent of the time, I start my homework by 4 o'clock. And I really think that by now I can judge how long it's going to take me.

"Oh, I guess you don't want to listen to your stupid brother in eighth grade 'cause I don't know anything," he taunts.

"No, you don't know anything about high school."

"See! You just said I don't know anything!"

"Ugh! I didn't say that!" I am reaching explosion point by now. He is still preparing some kind of meal.

"I wish I was a part of some other family." That hurts.

"Why?" I finally explode. "Do you want to be in a family in China that is too poor to eat or go to school and have to work all day on their rice fields and hope that the rain doesn't wash everything away?" (We just went over this today in history, so I am well-versed.) "Do you want to have twelve siblings so that your parents can't feed you and you live in a box? Do you want to live on the streets of the city? Would you rather that Mom and Dad beat you and locked you in the cellar and drank too much and did drugs and other crap?"

"Oooh, someone's angry," he croons, which is his comeback every time I raise my voice. He knows that I hate that.

"You selfish bastard!" At which point, I storm away.

***

(Also at some point he was talking about how I'm lazy and he has to do ALL the work around the house lately because he has to do the dishes ALL the time and clean and do the cat litter while I laze about watching. I neglected to point out that Trig does all the laundry and the dishes most of the time as well as the major yard work.)

***

So, it was a little harsh calling him a selfish bastard. But by then I was so upset I was on the verge of tears, which is when I typed this venting post. Although a generally non-violent person, I was heavily considering slapping him. I'm still kind of upset about it, although I think half of what he said he just said to make me mad.

I still don't think I'm going to talk to him the rest of tonight.

So the second week of school wasn't too bad. Except I've spent way too much time at school lately.

Friday: left home at 7 in the morning, didn't get back until around 11:30 at night because of a football game in the middle of nowhere--we just stayed at school after school before the game
Saturday: got to school at 9:45 for band practice and left around 4:30-5:00 because of the pep rally we had to perform at.

It was really hot--I got my summer tan/sunburn back within the first three hours. One of the fair-haired girls was completely dark pink when we got inside. When the pit didn't have to play, we were sitting under our keyboards because it was the only shade.

I'm spending the rest of the weekend relaxing, except for when I have to do homework.

So, I disappeared for a few weeks at Camp Nowhere and marching band. I don't think I'll talk about Camp Nowhere, but marching band's going to get it's own post later.

Anyway, SCHOOL STARTED.
The first day was useless. Basically.

The second day was at least a little interesting, although most teachers just talked about rules and expectations and stuff like that. Including homework.

The third and fourth day were like regular school days. Complete with homework.

Because our school's set up oddly, we have two separate middle schools that combine in the high school. So, after three years of middle school, I finally know everyone and feel comfortable with them all, and then we hit 10th grade and I don't know half our grade and it's the same situation.

Except the situation is more annoying because when we started middle school, everyone came from like seven elementary schools and we were all just scared for our lives. Now in high school, there's always the prejudice between the A school and Z school (and it only exists in Class Sophomore, as far as I can see). We're not one class, we're split into A kids and Z kids. And it's sort of automatic; I can't help noticing that there are more Z kids than A kids in my English class. And I've mostly been sticking with A kids and the Z kids mostly stick with other Z kids. (Scarecrow, a Z kid and Kit-Kat's ex-boyfriend, is one of the few exceptions personally to the prejudice thing)

And, in the past, if we're in the same level with people, we were generally in all the same classes with those people. But now, added with the Z kids, we're more spread out and A kids that have been in the same classes for three years are separated and I guess we subconsciously blame the Z kids. I have no classes with Badger, Jester, Alexander the Great, Lucky, and other A students I've learned to love.

(or maybe I'm over-analyzing the situation)

Z school has a reputation at the A school as being more "preppy". And I'm trying to ignore that, but it's always there, reminding me, whenever I see one of the girls with bleached-blonde hair, straightened into stiff perfection with thick layers of make-up and all the trendy clothes with shoes and purses to match. Or with carefully arranged curls hair-sprayed into the proper place, giving the appearance of having permanently damp hair. And neatly manicured nails.
(I also have to remember there are A school girls with the same appearance)

Anyway, I'm trying to learn to love the students from Z before I grow to hate them. It's not as easy as it sounds.

***

I don't see Badger at all in school unless it's quickly in the hallway (lots of outings this year). And the only reason I ever see Lucky is because he has started taking a bus (as the high school is farther away than A school). Duckie's in one of my classes (science; one of the better ones). Piper's in three of them: practically a record. Blackberry's in two of my classes (not counting lunch). DJ is only in one of my classes (math). Scarecrow's only in my homeroom. Icy is in a few of my classes too, although Spanish doesn't really count because we have to speak all Spanish, all the time. Cricket's in one class and lunch.

Jazz, a nice Z girl I've met, is also in several classes. Lark, another Z girl that I like but haven't talked to much, is in two classes. Duchess (senior, marching band section leader) is in orchestra with me.

***

Oh yeah, and Twiggy's transferred back to our school. She's not in any of my classes, but it's still awkward when she tries to talk to me. She left last year without telling anyone (including me) the real reason why, she has no clue about what's happened in our lives from January to the present, which is a lot (and vice versa because the whole keep-in-touch thing never happened), and she's suddenly back, expecting to be friends. Which is weird because she kept pissing Kit-Kat off when she was here, and I'm still a little fed-up from when I tried to help her out when she was depressed and she totally ignored me and continued her pity party.

Oh well. We don't talk much anyway because there's really no time to talk if you don't have classes with someone.

***

DJ and I are as busy as ever. We're in honors classes (or, in her case, mostly honors) and marching band. Of course, we joining the high school science team. We also want to join an academic team, but we can't find the supervisor to talk to him. We are also applying for Student Council. We're going to take a break from the history fair this year, but next year it's a definite yes. It's a shame we don't have time for the Theater Company.

***

All this after only the first week.

We're getting a kitten Friday! I feel a little guilty because we goaded Trig into it, but I'm also really happy. The kitten is adorable; he was found under a dumpster at the mall while they were doing construction. He's small and cute and white with a black tail.

***

Last night at band practice, Chic, who works at Rita's, brought three containers of Italian ice for the pit (which is just Chic, Lady, Sparrow, and I). So we had bonding time eating ice out of the same container on the pavement.

So, I'm back from camp, where I had a job as a stablehand, which I'll possibly talk about later if I feel like it. I did keep a daily journal, I just need to type it all up, but I doubt I'll post a lot of it, considering there's quite a bit of information. But who knows.

***

My cat died Monday night. Around 9 o'clock she started having a seizure that ended up lasting more than an hour. She was in agony, and we decided to put her out of her misery. It's really sad, but I don't really want to talk about it more.

Day is done
Gone the sun
From the lakes
From the hills
From the sky
All is well
Safely rest...

***

So, I had band practice last night after missing maybe a month of practices. And I was paranoid that I was going to suck and forget everything and not be able to do anything and they'll be tough on me and yadda yadda yadda. I was in the band room before practice when Lady (one of the other pit girls) came up to me: "MEG! You're back! How was horsey camp? Are you back for the rest of the summer?" This from a girl who has spent maybe five hours in my company before. Sparrow and Chic were there as well (Scarecrow and Duchess are on vacation, apparently).

I really like the way that we're learning music: one measure at a time (whereas, usually in orchestra, we were given the music, sight read it, go over certain spots, and generally just keep playing until it gets better). It's helping me A. learn it without seeming like an idiot and B. memorize the music. I'm just a little antsy for when they speed it up a bit.

Bounce: (n.) term referring to a dog who has been adopted by someone and then returned to the rescue organization on account of issues such as with the owner's family, the birth of a new baby, marriage, or simply because the owner is something of an idiot

Unfortunately, in our greyhound rescue we see a decent number of bounces. We foster some of these bounces and for the first few days, they always seem a little sad and depressed. As if asking, "What am I doing here? Where's Mommy/Daddy? When am I going to go home? Who are these people?"

And last night, I was sort of watching Homeward Bound (you know, the one where the two dogs and cat travel in the wilderness to get back to their people?). I used to love those movies as a kid, but Otter always had trouble watching them. I never understood that (it always ended happily), but now I think I do.

Shadow, the loyal golden retriever, was sitting on the porch of the lady taking care of them, thinking to himself, "Peter? Where are you? Who's going to protect you? Or wait for you to come home from school? Or play ball with you? I'll wait for you, Peter. You'll come back. I know it."

I was about an inchworm away from crying.

You Know It's the End of the School Year When...
-a class has an average attention span of 30 seconds
-people have started reading textbooks in a desperate attempt to prepare for exams

School's over. Finals are over. The academic luncheon is over. So let me recap.

Academic Luncheon...

...was pretty fun. Okay, the food was basically cafeteria food and it's sort of boring but it was fun. My parents and I sat with DJ's family and Icy and Badger. I won the science, English, and history awards. Icy won practically every music award possible. DJ won a band award. That was pretty neat.

Finals...

...were bearable. History, math, and science were very easy, but the English grammar and analogy sections pretty much killed everyone. But overall, they weren't terrible. I think midterm exams are harder.

After School...

...we went to Rita's. Lots of people went to other nearby restaurants/fast food places to celebrate and then went to their end-of-the-year-book-burning parties. Kit-Kat, Badger, Badger's grandpa, and I then went to see Jesus Christ Superstar. We were in the FOURTH row and could practically smell Jesus' feet. It was really good, except it was sort of hard to understand some of the words that they were singing, but the plot was easy enough to understand.

***

Random Reflections

As stated before, I love my class. I really do. When I first entered the junior high school in 7th grade, I knew a total of twenty-six people, and only about ten of them were in any of my classes. I was shy, I didn't talk in class or to anyone, I knew people who didn't know me, and I basically blended into the background. In 8th grade, I started talking a bit more to people outside my immediate ring of friends. And this year, I talk to anyone, most people know me, and I've been more outgoing in the way I look, too. Instead of baggy T-shirts and baggy jeans, I've started wearing nicer T-shirts and jeans and doing something with my hair.

And in three years, our class has really gotten close and comfortable with each other and people can tease each other without worrying about wrong reactions and whatnot. I mean, yeah, some people don't get along and there's a ton of drama, but there's still the feeling that we're all in this together.

I don't really want to leave junior high: I love my teachers and I love the sense of community we've developed, but I honestly feel like we're ready to move on. And I think some of the members of our grade need to remember what it feels like to be at the bottom of the food chain again. I can't wait to go to the high school; I feel that there are a lot more opportunities there and even though life might be a little crazier, I think everything's just going to keep getting better.

And there's going to be tons of new people because in our district there are two junior high schools that combine in the high school. So we haven't even met a whole half of our grade, which is kind of weird because my class is close and I'm sure their class is just as close and now we're going to have to combine. And there's a million inside jokes that they won't get and we won't get, but there'll be a million more inside jokes that we'll all understand in the end, right?

And yes, I'm joining marching band. I'm picking up an instrument five years later than most people, with almost no experience. I'm really sort of worried about that, because I don't feel that I'll be as good as I should be, as they expect me to be. But I went to one meeting and already it feels like a gigantic family with new members and old friends and I want to be a part of that.

So, way to go to us. We made it.

We've been studying genetics in science. And we've reached the point where we're talking about Punnett Squares and probability. So Lord DNA decides to spring a new lab on us.

Lab: Two partners pair up as "mother" and "father" and flip coins to decide the traits of their "child".

As mentioned before, there are 10 guys and 5 girls in our class. Lord DNA drew names out of a hat (well, a science beaker, but it's the same concept). The final pairings ended up something like this...

Alexander the Great x Guy #6
Meg x Piper
Lucky x RockyRoad
Jester x White-Out
Duckie x Diamond
Football x Eagle
Icy x Gal #3

(that totals to 14, but I think someone was absent...)

Anyway, due to the presence of same-sex couples, Lord DNA had them play a mini-game affectionately titled "Who's Your Daddy?" in order to determine the father to keep the guys from physically fighting over paternity.

And then the father flipped a coin to decide the sex of the baby. And both parents flipped to see if they donated their dominant or recessive genes. We're not done yet, but so far we have a baby boy named Chad who has curly hair, light brown skin, hazel eyes, bushy eyebrows, round chin, and normally spaced almond eyes. Chad's pretty normal, but Alexander the Great and Guy #6 so far have a baby black kid with slitted, hazel eyes. And Duckie wants a divorce, claiming Diamond must have cheated on him because the "baby" looks nothing like him.

It was one of the most random classes ever.

***

Our final assessment persuasive speeches in English class just ended. We covered the following topics...

School Uniforms: Pro (Almond)
POW Treatment/Torture: Con (Jester)
Greyhound Racing: Con (Me)
Death Penalty: Con (Picasso)
Animal Testing: Con (Blackberry)
Canadian seal hunt: Con (Cricket)
Global Warming Exists (Alexander the Great)
Music Therapy is Effective (Icy)
Abortion: Con (White-Out)
Gangs: Con (Oreo)
Stem Cell Research: Pro
Gay Marriage/Rights: Pro
Animal Cruelty: Con
Vegetarian Lifestyle: Con
Vegetarian Lifestyle: Pro (that was interesting because during Con's speech, Pro, a vegetarian, kept shaking his head and then at the end he started chuckling as if he had heard something ridiculous that he couldn't believe Con could actually speak against vegetarianism. I thought that was rather rude, considering Con didn't say a word during his speech, but whatever. Queen Poe always gave us the option of leaving the room to avoid being 'upset' by any controversial topics we felt strongly about or didn't want to hear. He could have left.)

***

Random Moment of the Day:

Meg is at the bus ramp, holding Dmitri the cello (in his case, of course). Duckie walks up.

Duckie: *looks at cello* It's been so long since I've held one of these [Duckie used to play cello with me, Blackberry, and Tweety in elementary school. He dropped orchestra after reaching junior high]
Meg: *holds out Dmitri* Do you want to hold him?
Duckie: No! *Meg pulls back cello with a slight shrug* Yes...

Meg gives him cello and Duckie holds him for a few seconds before giving him back (as if embarrassed) and changing the subject.

***

That's all for now. More later.

As our class trip, we went to an amusement park that was a lot of fun even though Cricket and I generally don't ride roller coasters. We let the others take us on a mild wooden one and this swinging, twisting torture device. And rode all the little kid rides, which is perhaps even more fun. One day I am going to find a shirt that says, "I survived the Merry-Go-Round".

We also had our class formal dance. That was a lot of fun too, because for the first time I actually danced. Well, if you could call the odd swaying, shaking, and general flailing of the limbs dancing. I think our class has reached a point that we're pretty comfortable with each other. A sense of community, in a way. And, although probably not worth the money, a nice way to end the year. Besides, Kit-Kat and her boyfriend were adorable together (awwww....).

Our history class also traveled to the great and historic site of Gettysburg. Even though Badger signed up Kit-Kat, Blackberry, and Cricket up for Bus #2, even though I was clearly on Bus #1. Due to that little factor, I spent most of the day with DJ. Although at lunch when I ate with Kit-Kat & Co. my friends seemed a little snippy because I was spending more time with DJ ("Oh, aren't you eating lunch with DJ?") I reminded them that I was not attached to her hip and was free to lunch with whoever I so chose. (I sort of get the feeling that Kit-Kat's almost a little jealous, because she keeps saying things like "You and DJ are getting really close". And yes, it's true that we're friends, but I hate the way she implies that I'm going to run off with DJ at some point, forget all about everyone else, and never talk to them again.)

That aside, we went to the museum first and the electronic battle map, which I thought was really funny because the map-narrator kept pointing out that we are HERE in the visitor's center and saying "where we are presently located".

The two buses split up for the tours, consequently I was with DJ and Spiderman most of the time. Our tour guide taught us how to march (I was next to a couple of batonists from band and they said, "Omigod, it's like band!" Yes, that's why they call it marching band) and we had to march in lines as if it were a battle. Then, we were all assigned a number (1, 2, or 3) and we charged Queen Cannon (who didn't seem at all bothered). 1s died, 2s were seriously injured, and 3s survived to capture Queen Cannon. Then we had to "clean" the battlefield of bodies. We also learned how to shoot cannons.

We must have climbed around 20 flights of stairs though. The observation tower is 8 stories high (121 steps for anyone who cares), we all climbed a castle monument, and about half the class climbed the Pennsylvania monument. The PA monument spiral staircase was dark and seemed to last forever...Almond joked that it was the Stairway to Heaven.

The only thing that seriously annoyed me on the trip were the people that just didn't care. "I don't want to climb another monument, I'm tired, and it's hot..." People like that. Or the airheads near us on the bus who said, "Oh, are we going to the Little Rock Hill?" More commonly called, Little Round Top, but that's okay. And the other girl who spent most of the time flirting with her boyfriend. Unlike, Queenie, DJ, Spiderman, Almond, a few others and I were like, "Oh, yeah! Another monument, bring it ON!", "Oh, look, it's Buford Avenue! Whoa!", "Now it's Reynolds Avenue!", "Neat, we just passed Lee's Headquarters!"

Other Stuff

Because the Beast died, Otter and Trig bought me a new iPod--one of those little mini guys. She's blue and her name's Beauty. Works just as well as the Beast ever did and I still have no clue why anyone wants one of those iPods with music, movies, pictures, phone, computer access, or whatever they have.

We finished Oliver Twist in English. We finished Killer Angels in history. And I'm proud to say I read them both completely without the use of SparkNotes or Cliffnotes and have done well on all the quizzes. I'm happier to say that I read all the books this year.
People like this, however, annoy me:
Random Guy Whining: I can't read Oliver Twist! It's too long and I'm a slow reader...
Random Gal: Haven't read a page of it. Anyone have SparkNotes?
Once you get past the first few chapters, you get used to the style of writing and it's easy. I won't help people like that. If you want my help, you have to have read at least 75% of the book (or the assigned parts) and honestly try.

Jeez, read two chapters a night, every night if you have problems reading quickly or you have too much to do.

I am, however, reading a lot of light and fluffy books to recover from war-death-blood-sad-crying in Killer Angels and just the wordiness of Dickens.

DJ's dilemma (isn't that a great title?)

We're finalizing schedules for next year and DJ just found out that Honors Chemistry I interferes with Concert Band and/or German III. So, either she has to drop band or drop chem or drop German. Except she loves band, she needs Honors Chem because she wants to go into a science field, and colleges love languages. And, according to Piper, Honors Chem is "closed", meaning they're not accepting anyone else. I think right now if it doesn't get rearranged better, she might drop concert band because she can still do marching band without concert. But it sucks.

Every year at the end of the year, our school holds an "Academic Luncheon", which is a luncheon for people who made high honor roll every quarter (or it might just be honor roll, but I have no idea). And you get "cordially invited" to this luncheon via a letter in the mail if you have high honors or if the teachers know ahead of time you'll be receiving an award.

Every year I've been invited. And just for the record, in 7th grade, I took the English award and in 8th grade I received Best in Show in science, reading/writing, math, and I got a Good-Citizenship award (glad to know I've been a good citizen). Anyway, I've been invited this year and so has DJ and her brother, but Scout has not.

So Scout's upset/angry about that. He thinks he should be invited because he got honors every quarter and that they must not like him and yadda yadda yadda.
Scout: I guess you have to  be super smart to go there and I'm stupid so I can't go.
Meg: *rolls eyes* You're not stupid.
Scout: Tch. Whatever. It's going to be full of smart people, oops, I mean geeks anyway.
Meg: *irritated* Thanks.
Scout: *smirk* No problem.

I think it's about time to reiterate how angry that makes me. Yes, poor you, you're hurt because you aren't going to go to a boring luncheon with food a small step up on cafeteria food and listen to endless names being called and mindlessly clap. That is what makes you "stupid"?

Gah, it's so annoying. I don't run the luncheon, I don't organize it, and most of all, I don't appreciate being called a geek by my own brother whenever he's pissed about something. I don't go around calling him a "perverted preppy guy", do I? Or "mindless jock"? Or whatever the hell his "label" at school is? Thanks. I sincerely appreciate the fact that you acknowledge my academic achievements without feeling the need to stereotypically assign me a prejudiced label. I feel it necessary to enlighten you that people are also chosen for awards based on their participation and enthusiasm and attention span in class. It's not all about grades. And thank you for calling my friends who are attending or have attended this geeks (i.e. DJ, Lucky, Duckie, Piper, Cop, Football, among others). Thank you, my dear brother.